yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
