if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
