He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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