Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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