I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
