i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
