i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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