she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
