Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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