Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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