its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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