White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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