omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
