he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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