My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
