Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
