I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
