i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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