im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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