ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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