Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize