My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
