Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
