i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
