just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
