He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
