last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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