So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
