So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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