Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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