you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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