i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
