where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
