You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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