i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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