Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
