Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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