My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
