So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
