fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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