I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
