Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
