I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
