I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
