Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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