I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
God I need to hump something, right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
