I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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