I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the day after is always just damage control
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
