He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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