In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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