chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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