Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
