ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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