I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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