I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
