Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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