Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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