I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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