Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
