Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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