Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
