I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize