Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
