I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
