Banned from zoo.
Again?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
