new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story