If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week