Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?