Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
do nipples grow back?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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