did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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