im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
