On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
