Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
