Can Purell be used as lube?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
