Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
