she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
