So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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