Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
