And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
