ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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